Diary of a Weird Girl

Written By Allison Minier

Well, well, well… my luteal phase is over and I’m funny again, y’all! Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I liked to embarrass myself for the entertainment of others. Whatever sickness it is that makes you crave the laughter of others, but also only need the laughter of yourself, is what I’ve come down with. *cough, cough* You could say I’m the illest I’ve ever been. 

In these trying times of militarizing cities and my boyfriend listening to Joe Rogan,* I hear whispers of your cries on the wind, pleas to be amused, entertained, even delighted. So, I’ve compiled for you a list of nine things about me that, if I were writing a book called “Diary of a Weird Girl,” would totally be in there.

Also, I threw in a list of my top 5 weird girl inspos and a little poem at the end. Why? Funny to me.

Nine Things I Didn’t Realize Were That Weird Until I Told Them to Other People

#1

I am NOT into hobby-horsing, but on three separate occasions, I have galloped through my home to see if I could be into it. The first time was for exposure. The second time was to form an opinion. The third time was honestly just for fun.

#2

I truly do think that I am on the same wavelength as most birds. Something about them speaks to me, and I to them. Especially pigeons.

#3

I get so bothered if the rules of magic in my fantasy books don't make sense logically. Like, it will really ruin the entire romance for me. I've almost emailed authors potential revisions (if anyone knows how to contact Charissa Weaks, please let me know).

#4

I can only talk out loud to myself in an amalgamation of international accents. Something about breaking the silence when I’m the only ears to hear it freaks me out (nobody diagnose this, I don't even want to know), so I have to pretend it’s someone else doing it.

#5

The Sonic the Hedgehog Tech Deck that I carry around with me has become less of a fingerboard and more of a prop cigarette, fake interview microphone, and good-luck charm.

I do kind of think that by carrying it in my pocket all summer, I’ve been imbuing it with good energy like a crystal. (Is this possible? It would be if I were writing the rules of magic in this story.)

#6

I carry a professional-quality photograph of my grandma and grandpa in my wallet.

#7

I love counting, but if I’m counting just to chill myself out (bedtime counting or background noise counting), I do it on eight-counts because I was in a show choir.

#8

On the playground where I went to elementary school, there was a big wooden ship that we played in, and in the bottom of the ship, in the way back, the cool kids would write stuff on the walls. I got very internally frustrated with the bad penmanship, and so I organized handwriting lessons during recess in the hopes of causing a chain reaction of improvement in the graffiti. It was ineffective.

#9

I have swallowed 80% of all of the gum I have ever enjoyed, and, honestly, I really thought we were all doing this one.

There’s Juicy Fruit in my small intestine from 2008, I just know it.

If this list didn’t row your boat, here lies my top 5 funny, weird girls for you to check out and a Pindaric ode to those free spirits:

“Too much too loud
The eccentric girls
The girls who take space
The odd, the peculiar, the spirit freed

Ourselves! Ourselves!
We take space
To make space
To exist
As Ourselves

A label that makes
Societal breaks
That allow for comedic creation
Quite simply put
The weird girls are the foundation”
— A jester
 

*My boyfriend doesn’t listen to the Joe Rogan podcast for Joe Rogan; he listened to the Bernie Sanders and James Talarico episodes, and we had really good conversations about them. You can still invite us to your dinner parties and trust my judgement.

Allison Minier
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